necessary_child | Sam-Cal Chandler AIM logs.

17th October:

catslash33 (01:32:37):	HA. <3 Cal would totally want Sam along for moral support, too, though he'd never ask.
herworldsonfire (01:33:14):	Sam: More like amoral support... eyedart Anyway.
catslash33 (01:34:05):	Heh. Yes, that too. As long as Cal knew he wasn't alone. It would help.
herworldsonfire (01:35:13):	Aw. pets him Sam: Also, your mother would go batshit crazy if she saw her son kissing a guy. whistles Just saying...
catslash33 (01:36:53):	Cal: looks alarmed I'm trying to scare her, not kill her.
herworldsonfire (01:37:13):	Sam: Teasing, Cal. ...Mostly.
catslash33 (01:37:56):	Cal: Yeah, it's that last part that has me worried. You're never completely kidding.
herworldsonfire (01:38:18):	Sam: halo?
catslash33 (01:39:22):	Cal: not fooled
herworldsonfire (01:39:28):	Sam: pout
catslash33 (01:39:39):	Cal: Nice try.
herworldsonfire (01:39:56):	Sam: You're no fun, Cal Chandler, you know that?
catslash33 (01:40:52):	Cal: I'm plenty of fun. Just on my terms.
herworldsonfire (01:41:16):	Sam: grin Prove it.
catslash33 (01:42:20):	Cal: I said my terms. smirks
herworldsonfire (01:42:44):	Sam: So what, you can't prove it?
catslash33 (01:43:44):	Cal: I'll prove it when I'm ready to prove it.
herworldsonfire (01:44:37):	Sam: teasing Suuuure you will.
catslash33 (01:44:51):	Cal: When you least expect it.
herworldsonfire (01:45:25):	Sam: Promising, but still.
herworldsonfire (01:45:28):	Sam: :P
catslash33 (01:46:04):	Cal: What, are you in a hurry?
herworldsonfire (01:46:23):	Sam: Believe me, I've got all nigh- I mean, all day.
herworldsonfire (01:46:45):	Sam: I was just born sceptical.
catslash33 (01:47:41):	Cal: You'll just have to trust me.
herworldsonfire (01:48:27):	Sam: sighs My life is so hard, sometimes, you know that?
catslash33 (01:50:07):	Cal: You poor thing.
herworldsonfire (01:50:31):	Sam: You have no idea.
catslash33 (01:51:13):	I'm sure I don't.
herworldsonfire (01:52:26):	Sam: So I suppose I'll have to teach you about that, too...
catslash33 (01:52:53):	Cal: If you like.
herworldsonfire (01:55:25):	Sam: I'll make a project of it.
catslash33 (01:56:18):	Cal: looks wary
herworldsonfire (01:56:55):	Sam: pets
catslash33 (01:57:41):	Cal: cheers up
herworldsonfire (02:00:08):	Sam: smug
catslash33 (02:00:28):	Cal: content
herworldsonfire (02:04:38):	Sam: pets more ...Seriously, you thought you were straight all these years how, exactly?
catslash33 (02:07:21):	Cal: looks confused What?
herworldsonfire (02:07:38):	Sam: ...Never mind. pets
catslash33 (02:08:05):	Cal: No, what?
herworldsonfire (02:09:48):	Sam: You seem to be making a habit out of lying on a sofa with your arms around another guy, that's all.
catslash33 (02:11:09):	Cal: . . . just you.
herworldsonfire (02:12:31):	Sam: I always knew I was special. pets him
catslash33 (02:13:42):	Cal: agreeably, as petting tends to have this effect 'Course you are.
herworldsonfire (02:16:30):	Sam laughs
catslash33 (02:17:35):	Cal: - what?
herworldsonfire (02:22:44):	Sam: Nothing.
catslash33 (02:23:20):	Cal: You keep saying that,
herworldsonfire (02:24:27):	Sam: Well... You made me laugh. And no, not in a bad way. That's all.
catslash33 (02:25:04):	Cal: accepts this Okay. pause Just checking.
herworldsonfire (02:25:44):	Sam: strokes his hair It's okay, Cal.
catslash33 (02:26:59):	Cal: embarrassed I know.
herworldsonfire (02:28:12):	Sam: Shh. pet
catslash33 (02:29:34):	Cal: quiet, leans into the petting
herworldsonfire (02:33:53):	Sam: snug
catslash33 (02:34:51):	Cal: relaxes after a minute or two
herworldsonfire (02:38:51):	Sam: approves of this Did you get to talk to Atton in the end?
catslash33 (02:39:24):	Cal: blinks, forgot about all of that in the Angst that followed Oh. Uh, no.
herworldsonfire (02:43:51):	Sam: Don't worry about it. Atton's my best friend, as you probably gathered from all the insults. You'd like him, I think.
catslash33 (02:44:54):	Cal: chuckles, remembering the note I think I will.
herworldsonfire (02:45:40):	Sam: solemnly He's so mean to me.
catslash33 (02:47:13):	Cal: That must be why you like him.
herworldsonfire (02:49:27):	Sam: My masochistic tendencies are well-documented, it's true. He also cheats at pillowfights. D:
catslash33 (02:51:20):	Cal: pauses How do you cheat at pillowfights?
herworldsonfire (02:51:59):	Sam: With scary Jedi super-strength powers. pause I totally don't abuse magic to get my own back, you understand.
catslash33 (02:55:01):	Cal: Oh, of course not.
herworldsonfire (02:55:27):	Sam: virtuously I'm just not that kind of guy.
catslash33 (02:59:04):	Cal: Strictly fair.
herworldsonfire (02:59:20):	Sam: Very strictly.

19th October:

catslash33 (02:06:43):	And then he'll be like, "Did I just say that? I sound like Grahame."
herworldsonfire (02:10:45):	Sam: Pfft. Somehow I have my doubts on that front. I don't think you're anything like Grahame.
catslash33 (02:11:59):	Cal: looks highly conflicted You'd - be surprised.
herworldsonfire (02:12:39):	Sam: I doubt it.
catslash33 (02:18:01):	Cal: still looking conflicted, as persisting in the idea would involve saying bad things about Grahame, which Guilt does not permit, BUT He - is a lot smarter than I am.
herworldsonfire (02:19:01):	Sam: shrugs Smart isn't everything. Not by a long shot. And you're nowhere near as thick as you think you are, anyway.
catslash33 (02:20:25):	Cal: laughs a little Well, it's not exactly beating myself up to say that. Uncle Grahame's smarter than most people. His IQ is something ridiculous, I can't remember what. He's literally a genius.
herworldsonfire (02:23:39):	Sam: grins So're lots of people, round here. Including at least one six-year-old. Smart doesn't actually count for anything except test scores, with most people.
catslash33 (02:25:08):	Cal: shrugs Grahame can figure out just about anything. It - made all the difference. In the family. Him and Mother kept things running smooth after my grandparents died.
herworldsonfire (02:26:35):	Sam: And yet he still sounds pretty damn fucked-up, as far as I can tell. Most people don't develop crushes on their teenage nephews, Cal.
catslash33 (02:29:16):	Cal: . . . he didn't get out much. I told you he was crippled, right? Polio. It kept him inside a lot. He was sick of people staring, unless there was some kind of PR event. I guess that'll fuck with anyone.
herworldsonfire (02:31:05):	Sam: shrug Plenty of people on crutches manage to get by without that sort of thing. It didn't hurt FDR that much, for starters.
catslash33 (02:32:52):	Cal: That was a long time ago. thinks a minute, trying to remember what it was Grahame had said about that Before TV, I think, so people couldn't judge politicians on appearance quite so much. It was just radio and stuff.
herworldsonfire (02:34:23):	Sam: He used it as a reason to vote for him, actually. "Look what I overcame! American dream!" and all that crap. Pretty much everyone knew about it.
catslash33 (02:36:30):	Cal: shrugs That was what Grahame said about why Dad ended up being the politician instead. Dad was better-looking and healthy. More appealing to the public. So he went into politics and Uncle Grahame ran his campaign instead. It worked, too, Dad got into the Senate years before I - would have.
herworldsonfire (02:47:11):	Sam: plays with Cal's hair He developed a crush on his nephew, Cal. Being crippled is not an excuse for being that fucked-up.
catslash33 (02:49:17):	Cal: It's not his fault. He fought it so hard. He wasn't, you know, like the creepy dirty uncle. He never touched me. I didn't even know until Dad let it slip.
herworldsonfire (02:49:52):	Sam: That's as may be, but it's not your fault either, and he fucked you over at the same time.
catslash33 (02:50:39):	Cal: flatly What I did was my decision.
herworldsonfire (02:52:22):	Sam: I wasn't talking about that, actually. You were plenty screwed up before that happened, as far as I can tell.
catslash33 (02:53:15):	Cal: pauses That wasn't . . . all his fault, either.
herworldsonfire (02:54:14):	Sam: He sure as hell didn't help.
catslash33 (02:54:42):	Cal: Yeah, well, neither did I.
herworldsonfire (02:56:55):	Sam: just shakes his head
catslash33 (02:57:47):	Cal: You can only go so far blaming other people for shit in your life when you never did a goddamn thing to save yourself until it was way too late.
herworldsonfire (03:01:56):	Sam: Which is a fair point, and you're brave as hell for saying it. But. There's 'not blaming all your fuck-ups on someone else' and then there's 'not admitting that your fuck-ups aren't exclusively your own fault'. I'm not saying you're perfect, Cal. You're just not as bad as you think you are.
catslash33 (03:04:26):	Cal: shrugs uncomfortably I try not to be. I, I'm better than I used to be. Not that that's very hard. uneasy laugh - saying something positive about himself is difficult
herworldsonfire (03:05:57):	Sam: Pillock. pet
catslash33 (03:07:58):	Cal: leans into it Not taking responsibility got me killed. I mean, letting things get as bad as they did. It's a hell of an incentive to change my ways.
herworldsonfire (03:10:38):	Sam: nods I'll bet.
catslash33 (03:13:07):	Cal: looks distant for a moment, then gives a tired sigh and pulls himsef back Anyway. I'm not saying Grahame was my favorite person, but he couldn't have - pushed me around if I hadn't let him. Takes two and all that shit.
herworldsonfire (03:15:14):	Sam: pets more Mmm. Some things are hard to unlearn.
catslash33 (03:15:55):	Cal: confused glance
herworldsonfire (03:18:44):	Sam: Not that you shouldn't probably have stood up to him earlier, but if he's been pushing you around since you were a kid, then it's harder.
catslash33 (03:20:33):	Cal: shudders What I did was not standing up to him. It felt like it, but it wasn't.
herworldsonfire (03:23:51):	Sam: Once again, Cal, I'm not talking about that. Believe me, it's nowhere near as... central... to what I think about you than it is when you think about you.
catslash33 (03:25:02):	Cal: quietly, looking away When I think about him.
herworldsonfire (03:27:41):	Sam: ...Oh, Cal. pet
catslash33 (03:28:33):	Cal: silent, curling closer to Sam
herworldsonfire (03:30:05):	Sam: pulls him close
catslash33 (03:31:34):	Cal: lays his head on Sam's shoulder
herworldsonfire (03:34:31):	Sam: strokes his hair It's all right, Cal.
catslash33 (03:35:24):	Cal: very quiet It's not.
herworldsonfire (03:38:03):	Sam: ...No, I don't suppose it is. But it'll get better.
catslash33 (03:39:59):	Cal: For me, maybe.
herworldsonfire (03:42:02):	Sam: slides his arms around him tighter Maybe not just for you. You'd be amazed at how good humans are at bouncing back, eventually.
catslash33 (03:44:16):	Cal: He couldn't even look at me. I've never seen him not be able to look someone in the eye before, no matter how bad something was.
herworldsonfire (03:49:04):	Sam: Nonetheless. hairstroke And whatever happens for him, there's nothing you can do now.
catslash33 (03:51:25):	Cal: He moved out the day after. I never saw him again. I thought about trying to visit, but I don't - I don't think he would have even opened the door.
herworldsonfire (03:54:32):	Sam: Shhh, Cal. pet It's out of your hands now.
catslash33 (03:57:03):	Cal: It always was. You can't apologize to someone who doesn't want to hear it. Who - who can't.
herworldsonfire (03:59:06):	Sam: Oh, Cal.
catslash33 (03:59:54):	Cal: trying hard for a lighter tone Hey, at least I don't have to beat myself up for not trying.
herworldsonfire (04:01:26):	Sam: smiles, a little bit Come on, subject change. pauses Chocolate is good.
catslash33 (04:02:30):	Cal: pauses, then laughs a bit shakily You're a fan? I wouldn't have guessed.
herworldsonfire (04:04:03):	Sam: solemnly I'm a big fan. Want some?
catslash33 (04:04:31):	Cal: Sounds pretty good.
herworldsonfire (04:05:22):	Sam: small chuckle I always do. waves for a waitrat and orders
catslash33 (04:06:13):	Cal: sits quietly, looking a little steadier does not seem to be in any rush to disentangle himself from Sam, though
herworldsonfire (04:07:03):	Sam: perfectly happy about this feeds him chocolate
catslash33 (04:07:34):	Cal: laughs, relaxing
herworldsonfire (04:10:09):	Sam: kisses his cheek Pillock.
catslash33 (04:11:26):	Cal, smiling: Is that my nickname now?
herworldsonfire (04:12:08):	Sam: Why confine myself to just one?
catslash33 (04:12:59):	Cal: So I don't get confused?
herworldsonfire (04:13:37):	Sam: But that wouldn't be fun. Anyway, the other's Motor Mouth, so I think you can manage to remember two.
catslash33 (04:14:02):	Cal: Okay, but that might be the limit.
herworldsonfire (04:14:48):	Sam: laughs There you go again, spoiling my fun.
catslash33 (04:15:20):	Cal: It's my favorite thing to do, you know.
herworldsonfire (04:15:41):	Sam: Well, you're very good at it.
catslash33 (04:16:16):	Cal: I practice.
herworldsonfire (04:16:49):	Sam: So I notice. sorrowfully My life is a never-ending trial.
catslash33 (04:17:17):	Cal: Yeah, with the chocolate and the cuddling. You poor bastard.
herworldsonfire (04:18:12):	Sam: smirk Shurrup and eat chocolate, Motor Mouth. feeds him more
catslash33 (04:20:40):	Cal: silent, on account of chocolate smirks instead
herworldsonfire (04:21:56):	Sam: sticks his tongue out licks his fingers
catslash33 (04:22:24):	Cal: swallows and snorts
herworldsonfire (04:22:47):	Sam: smirk
catslash33 (04:23:35):	Cal: Oh, what?
herworldsonfire (04:24:30):	Sam: lightly You.
catslash33 (04:25:38):	Cal: What about me?
herworldsonfire (04:28:17):	Sam: You're being you.
catslash33 (04:30:13):	Cal: In a good way, I hope.
herworldsonfire (04:30:47):	Sam: Of course.
catslash33 (04:31:09):	Cal: looks pleased Just checking. pause Sam?
herworldsonfire (04:32:11):	Sam: Yeah?
catslash33 (04:33:03):	Cal: looks at Sam Thanks.
herworldsonfire (04:34:28):	Sam: Welcome, Motor Mouth.
catslash33 (04:35:20):	Cal: smiles and rolls his eyes, sitting up enough to reach up and ruffle Sam's hair
herworldsonfire (04:35:52):	Sam: ruffles right back omg!**
catslash33 (04:36:52):	Cal: just laughs
herworldsonfire (04:38:40):	Sam: ... tickles!
catslash33 (04:41:59):	Cal: squeaks (totally all manly-like) and tickles back
herworldsonfire (04:43:08):	Sam: totally doesn't laugh at the squeaking! no really you guys! tickles MORE!
catslash33 (04:43:47):	Cal: energetic tickling of DOOM
herworldsonfire (04:44:47):	Sam: tickles EVER MORE OMG
herworldsonfire (04:44:50):	*even
catslash33 (04:47:07):	Cal: eventually has no choice but to surrender
herworldsonfire (04:47:45):	Sam: grins down at him I win.
catslash33 (04:48:22):	Cal: grinning back I can live with that.
herworldsonfire (04:51:34):	Sam: Oh, good. kisses Cal, then flops down again, laughing Mmm, chocolate.
catslash33 (04:52:11):	Cal: chuckles a little, watching Sam
herworldsonfire (04:53:47):	Sam: slides an arm around him
catslash33 (04:54:06):	Cal: leans against Sam and closes his eyes
herworldsonfire (04:57:02):	Sam: strokes his hair again
catslash33 (04:57:24):	Cal: smiles a little Mm.
herworldsonfire (04:58:44):	Sam: softly Mmmm.
catslash33 (04:59:57):	Cal: murmurs One of these days I'll pay you back for everything, I swear.
herworldsonfire (05:01:05):	Sam: Shh. I'm hardly keeping tabs, Cal.
catslash33 (05:02:06):	Cal: I am. that's totally how friendship works, right?
herworldsonfire (05:04:14):	Sam: ...Seriously, that's not how it works. If you're going to insist on 'paying back', you can buy me a drink later and call it quits.
catslash33 (05:06:46):	Cal: opens his eyes and looks at Sam for once, changes his mind about what he was going to say in favor of saying the (relatively) less stupid thing instead Whatever you like.
herworldsonfire (05:08:34):	Sam: Shush. Go to sleep, Motor Mouth, you look like you could use it.
catslash33 (05:09:16):	Cal: Not really. closes his eyes again anyway
herworldsonfire (05:10:39):	Sam: quiet; pets him The kind without dreams, anyway.
catslash33 (05:11:12):	Cal: murmurs Have to get there first. One step at a time.
herworldsonfire (05:12:55):	Sam: I can be really, really boring, if that helps.
catslash33 (05:13:28):	Cal: laughs a little Somehow I doubt it.
herworldsonfire (05:13:56):	Sam: chuckles One of the these days I'll teach you not to bet against me...
catslash33 (05:14:54):	Cal: What, you don't like winning?
herworldsonfire (05:15:23):	Sam: smirk I'm always winning.
catslash33 (05:15:39):	Cal: What do you win?
herworldsonfire (05:15:51):	Sam: Everything. Ever. nod
catslash33 (05:16:25):	Cal: I can't believe you just missed out on innuendo. I think that means I win.
herworldsonfire (05:16:44):	Sam: snicker What do you win, then?
catslash33 (05:17:29):	Cal: A nap, apparently. pauses, then - nothing
herworldsonfire (05:19:36):	Sam: slides both arms around him, happily thinks Then I think we both win.
catslash33 (05:20:49):	Cal: curls in comfortably and drapes an arm over Sam definitely feels like he won something